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| I just wan't to be perfect normal. Yeah just normal and happy. I am little miss wanabe happy :)
-random, useless, I know. Just putting it. I DON'T WANT TO BE ANOREXIC. NO THANK YOU, I AM ALREADY ANOREXIC, I WAN'T TO BE UN-ANOREXIC-IZED.
PLEASE PEOPLE DO NOT SEND ME PRO-ANA OR PRO-MIA SHI*(things). I AM NOT, I NEVER WAS,AND I WILL NEVER BE "ONE OF YOURS". -no I am not "strong"because I skipped lunch, I am JUST sick.-
Anorexia/ bulimia are MENTAL ILLNESSES. Not a lifestyle or whatever. You suffer from THEM.
-just if you were wondering, losing weight doesn't make you happy. It is a lie. Losing weight makes you OBSESSIVE AND CREATES OR PUT INTO LIGHT OTHER ILLNESSES.- Losing weight is a symptom of anorexia, anorexia is 'just' a way of coping with insecurities, emotions, ( yours to fill).
Please, if you fell the need of using weight please seek professional ( nutritionists/ dieticiens)help (not internet websites!). starving, purging or doing ANY OTHER UNHEALTHY behavior, will NOT help you.-
THANK YOU.
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| Hello.Well, it's my first time posting on Xanga, so yeah I kind of suck at it.
Maybe a should start by a little description?
I am a 18 year old canadien girl.
I don't really have a life (ha.) because for the last 4 years I've been in and out from the hospital, so yeah it's hard to have and intense social life when inpatient. I suffer from anorexia, bulimia, depression, and borderline personality(* but I was hospititalized "only" for anorexia.)
I am on my way to recovery. I now have a healthy weight, but I still feel huge, but I will fight, and maintain healthy eating habits.
My best friend ( that I know since before we both fall into Eating disorders-wierd I know, we both developped an ED a the same time. We NEVER talked about food, calories, weight etc. We were hidding it from one to another and each realized that the other one was suffering but it was too late. I was admitted after the summer, she was admited in october. - has been readdmited in april and since is "cut" from the world (even her parents. Yeah that's how they do in Canada, and OMG is it useless!). The only person in the world that i was able to talk to honestly is now unreachable. I am really scared for her, I hope she will come out soon, and that she will be healthy or at least healthier). Therefore, I have 'no one' to talk to (ok. I have my therapist, but I hate her and my doctor that I love, BUT I am unable to tell her when im struggeling, because I am too scared to be inpatient once again although I am now 18 ( Every single time I was hospitilized, i had a court order, because after like 14 in canada you can take your own medical decisions, and each time I refused to go). I know in Quebec the stupid health system( which is public) is overloaded and I know that there are 6 beds for all the province (for EDs), but I also know that because of the fact I was already admited to this psycatrical hospital ( only like 15 beds for all teens with all mental illnesses), I have more chances of having a bed. I know my weight is not putting me in danger anymore, but I also know that my eating habits are not healthy nor normal. I sometimes have suicidal thoughts , that make me do stupid stuff, in order to end my life.
I am trying to get better, and my parents are doing the best they can (although it's not really helping me). They sumited a form to are insurance compagny, to ask if they would pay for a stay at Remuda Ranch (in the states), and due the too high cost, they refused, my parents are trying to find another place, but i fell so bad, having to put this on them.
Yeah well that about all I could think of saying right now.
Tomorrow I am going to group therapy, and I have to bring something to eat (actually a meal) but I never know what to bring ( stupid ED. like I am now at a healthy weight and i feel so freeaken bad eating in front those underweight girls. Like i feel that they HAVE to eat, but i don't at least not that much.) I am going to hed to the supermarket now to try to find something that follows my meal plan and that is "easy" to eat in front of skinny people. :( )
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